We are a non-violent reform movement composed of citizens, bakers, former cookie-shop employees, and one lawyer.
The Coalition was founded after a small dinner in early 2024 at which the host served what she described, with apparent sincerity, as "oatmeal cookies." They were oatmeal raisin cookies. There had been no warning. The guests, several of whom were close friends, exchanged a glance.
The conversation that followed lasted four hours. By 11 p.m., the founding documents had been drafted on the back of a takeout menu. By 2 a.m., a logo had been sketched. The host, contrite, agreed to fund initial operations.
We are not, and have never been, against raisins as a category. The raisin has its place. We have catalogued those places (see Hall of Fame). But the raisin's place is not, and has never been, the oatmeal chocolate chip cookie.
Founder & Director of Cookie Integrity
A second-grade lunchroom incident in 1997 — what was sold to her as a chocolate chip cookie, was not — set Delphine on the path that would define her career. Founder of the Coalition. Has never knowingly purchased an oatmeal raisin cookie.
Vice President, Bakery Outreach
Former assistant manager at three separate cookie chains. Reformed. Now liaises with bakeries that show interest in raisin-free alternatives. His office wall holds a single framed Potbelly receipt.
Chief Manifesto Officer
Drafts and revises all coalition position papers. Holds an MFA in Nonfiction. Insists the manifesto's drop cap is non-negotiable.
Counsel to the Oatmeal Cookie
Pro bono representation for cookies misrepresented at the point of sale. Specializes in deceptive labeling and the tort of dried-fruit insertion. Will not litigate the rum raisin question; says it's outside scope.
Director of Field Reports
Reviews every sighting submitted through the Registry. Cross-references against published menus. Has an inbox folder named simply 'AGAIN.'
Liaison, Wine and Charoset Affairs
Maintains the coalition's official position that wine and charoset are sacred and beyond reproach. Travels frequently for what he calls 'fact-finding.' His expense reports are always approved.
For privacy, names on the masthead are pseudonyms. The grievance is real.
A growing movement
Citizens worldwide are demanding truth in baking.
Lend your voice. Or at least your follow.
"Millions" is approximate, unverifiable, and growing daily.